I’m in the phase of liking what I like no matter if no one else does. I am in the phase of no longer trying to make what everyone else is making. I am in the phase of trusting my creative judgement. When I was younger I went with my style and what I thought was cool. Somewhere along the way I started to follow the trends, and doubt myself. I know there is a balance to create what the market demands and what I think it wants.

When it comes to my youtube channel, I can’t help but let the view count effect my ability to create. I am making what no one is asking for, but a part of me know there is a community out there who is searching for it because
I am.

What is “it”? Well, I am trying to find that out for myself. First I have to let it develop inside of me. What a person makes is so connected to the person. I know we live in the template kinda world, where everyone can feel like a photographer or designer by just downloading an app. The hard work is, can you make something that is 100 percent your creation?

I think not having a job (well, not one that pays) has allowed me to lean towards what I naturally like, I am picking clothes that I would never wear to the office, more skater plus 90 grunge. I bought dye that is a color I had when I was 18 (haven’t had the guts to do it just yet..), I am listening to music from my past, and yes I’m sure every old person does this, but revisiting bands that had such an impact on me is helping me become more honest and myself. I am searching for a way to express what is taking place inside my creative mind and fashion and music has always helped lead me there.

As a mom and wife, I am trying to find my new self. I can’t spend the rest of my life missing the twenty something Monica. I want to love who I am right now. And I do.. just trying to find the new her thats all. Life has changed for me, I am too busy trying to keep a little human alive to worry if I am cool or not. So when it comes to the work I create, I have to tap into my creative style I developed over the years. Go with my instinct. I am also excited to see where my random ideas lead me.